A Midnight Letter To The Universe

Dear Universe,

I know you can see me literally writing this down, and I know you’ve seen how many glasses (or maybe bottles) of wine I’ve had, so I know you know that I’m not mad at you (and all your shortcomings in my life). This is just probably the wine talking, and my mourning heart.

There are some things I just I want to express to you. We’ve had this love-hate relationship since my very first crush, and I’ve always believed in you. You have done me a lot favor, have shown me that you are there, giving me the smallest tastes of bliss, and I am really grateful for all of those.

I believe in you the way I have in love, destiny and miracles. It just seems like I believe in you more than you deserve.

You have failed me a lot of times, and you know that. You made me fall for the wrong people. You didn’t stop anyone from hurting me when you could have. You didn’t make anyone stay, when I wanted and needed them to.

You always had a way for me to be left alone, after letting me experience a short moment of happiness and love. You have let me be alone for so long, but despite all that, I’m still here, talking to you at night, trusting in you.

I just want to know now, when will you hear me? Will this letter be enough now for you to grant my heart’s desires? Will you now grant my 11:11 wishes? When will it be my turn to have a magical moment? When will I witness that fairytale-like happiness you seem to give to everyone but me? Don’t I deserve that too? When will it be my chance to fall deeply and be loved in return?

I have been waiting so patiently, and I’ve been nothing but kind and nice. Why can’t you see that I’m so tired being hurt and trying again?

Why can’t you just give me the love I deserve, the way you give it so easily to the others who don’t even believe in you?

I’m not even asking for the best guy. I have given up on asking for Kwon Ji-yong for so long you know. I’m just asking for someone who will understand me despite me being me. Someone who will love the things I love, and will teach me new things I could possibly love as well. I’m just asking for someone who will try to know me in a deeper level, and see me worthy of his time.

I’m not asking for the best looking guy out there. Not even the smartest one. I’m just asking for a simple guy who is funny and witty. Someone who isn’t boring at all, but is willing to be bored with me. Someone who will challenge me to try new things. I’m just asking to meet someone who will finally decide to stick by my side. Some one who is as aspiring as I am. Someone who I could build dreams with, who would love to travel with me in the future. Someone who I could enjoy this moment with.

I want someone to talk to after a long work day. Someone who I could surprise on his birthdays, and bring with me at home during family dinners. I want someone who is willing to stay up all night watching any movies on weekends, and someone to look forward to every Mondays. I want someone who would hug me tight at night when I can’t help but feel so alone. I’m not expecting someone perfect; I just want someone who could be here with right here, right now. Is that too much too ask, universe?

Is asking for someone to spend my youth with too selfish ask from you? Is it too much to ask now, after all the heartbreaks I had to endure these past years?

Am I being irrational here to ask for someone to be together with in this messy life I have? Am I being so selfish to ask for a little piece of happiness, universe?

If what I’m asking is too much, then okay, I’ll wait some more. What else can I do anyway? I’ll wait here patiently, until you finally decide that it’s my time. I’ll be patient enough until the day comes you’d send me the one I have been wishing for, and maybe wishing for me too. I’ll try to understand you more, universe. Last thing I’ll ask from you tonight, though, can you please just let this agonizing wait be worth it?

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