1. You overthink everything. Everything. You overthink statements made by your friends, you overthink texts, you overthink food orders, you overthink what to say to people, you over think how much your overthink. You are in a constant battle with your brain, and your thoughts are always convincing you that you are the weirdest person alive even when you aren’t.
2. You never know what to do with yourself in social situations. You have mastered the skill of looking like you’re texting someone important when you’re really just looking at photos of dogs on your phone. Speaking of dogs, when you walk into a social gathering you usually look for the resident animal as to ensure that you have someone to hang out with all night.
3. You have your own language with yourself. Whenever you are caught talking to yourself in said language, you are always left wishing that the floor would open up and swallow you whole so you can escape as quickly as possible.
4. You don’t understand social cues. You think high-fives are still cool, and you genuinely celebrate yourself when you finally get someone to participate in one.
5. You cannot stand silence. Due to your overthinking, you always assume that silence means those around you aren’t enjoying your presence. Silence is your own personal hell, and you would rather ask someone if they like cheese, or tell them about your favourite stray cat, than sit in it for more than thirty seconds.
6. You are ‘that’ girl who ghosts people. If a social situation gets too overwhelming, or if you lose your friends, instead of standing there thinking that every single person is staring at you wondering why you’re alone, you’ll simply just leave. Social situations are really just spent counting down the minutes to the moment you have a clear getaway.
7. You have no middle ground, and you are bred from extremes. You either like someone so much you want to be around them all the time, or you want them to move halfway across the world so you don’t have to see them in the hallway or interact with them anymore.
8. You cannot flirt. Most people believe that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, some sexy lingerie, and fiery charisma. To you, it’s through the fifth left intercostal space at the midclavicular line.
9. You have a tendency to trip over anything that happens to come into your path.You also have a tendency to trip over air. You have probably fallen up the stairs many times in your life, and you often look around trying to assure yourself that no one has just seen you wipeout, when in fact, they always have. They always have.
10. There is no such thing as a good photo for you. Pictures amplify your awkwardness as if it were a giant elephant in a small room. You don’t ever know where to put your hands, you’re that person who is still on the ground in the group jump shot, and you always look scared due to the anticipation of the photo and your sheer determination not to look weird. Which you fail at. Every. Single. Time.
11. Whenever you meet someone new, you pray that they are just as awkward as you. Nothing feels better than finding someone who can relate to you, and you appreciate being able to be exactly who you are without holding back your dad jokes. True freedom is found in finding friends who enjoy your differences, and can laugh with you when you do something silly or embarrassing.