Looking back, I now see my arrogance and ignorant ways of my past self. How is it that in the present we lack the ability to stop ourselves from making horrible decisions? I am fully aware that we need to make these mistakes in order to grow and learn but is it really worth the self-discovery at the cost of someone else’s pain?
God, why did you set me on this path?
Why was I set to hurt someone who was the best thing that ever happened to my life?
I put myself back into the relationship and realize how much I took them for granted, how messed up and distorted my values and mindset was: I regret my actions completely. But do I wish to be with them again?
I put my faith in my Father. If I am meant to be with God will place them back into my heart and make it known that this is, in fact, my person…
But I can’t help but reminisce in seem-to-be-forgotten memories. Old kisses, distant embraces, laughs and awkward handholds. How can a person so deserving of love and happiness end up with me in their arms? Better yet; how could I not see all that they deserved?
I feel like a broken record player: stuck. I attempt to distract myself from these thoughts and nostalgia of dates that went unappreciated.
Maybe I shouldn’t be thinking of You. Because You do deserve better- better than me. After all that I have put You through, You deserve a life without me. Maybe I will always love You and I’ll probably always wonder “what if”.
But I will keep that between me and God. But I let You go, not because You weren’t enough, but because I wasn’t enough. And damn, do You deserve the world.
I’ll just be a distant supporter and keep you in my prayers.