You open the door to your home after a long day at work. You are tired, but in a good way. Your headphones feed song after song into your eardrums, ears that now listen to anything that makes you feel. In one breath, you are mouthing the words to Heart Attack by Chuu. In the next, you favor the indie vibes of The Night of Seokyo.
You have been hurt and you have been happy, and your playlists are a never-ending journal of this confusion. But, as you slip into the bubbles of an all-mighty bath and feel the weight of the day fall off your skin, know that this is the moment you should treasure.
You should treasure it because you are between worlds. You are the universe that aligns its planets in the order that feels right at that time. You are not living in some state of perfection; your happiness is not constant. You feel lows, and your body feels heaviness, but that is not constant either. You are a moderate entity.
You are forgiven for thinking you are going crazy. You are forgiven for believing that your emotional stability is declining, because how else can you explain this rollercoaster? But you are still fine. You are not losing your mind or going crazy, whatever any of that means. You have the future to heal your wounds; you have the time to fix the flaws in life’s direction. You are neither totally broken nor totally happy. You are reminded on a daily basis of what you don’t want but also of what you do want.
Maybe you can’t see your whole life plan. Maybe you haven’t encountered your last heartbreak yet, but you feel both sides of the spectrum. This is why you should treasure every moment you encounter it. Do not prolong it; chase the happiness you desire. But understand, while you are between a seesaw of ups and downs, that this is the greatest lesson of your life.
Note the days you wake up and the color of the sky, the tingle of your lips, and the glowing of your skin alights your fire. Note the days where you cannot fall asleep because the silence of the night, the numbness of your cheeks, and the soreness of your eyes dampens your flame. Then find the in-between. Understand what it is that starts the spark, what curses it to the sea and finds the missing link.
Everything may feel like it makes no sense. Everything may feel ugly and murky and hard to see through. Everything may seem like it is too dark to celebrate and too light to mourn. But there is more wisdom in times of ambiguity than you will find at any other time. Treasure your moment of uncertainty and don’t be in any rush to fill the holes that were never there in the first place. Do not feel any pressure to believe that just molding to someone else’s image will fix everything. Just treasure the strangeness, look after yourself, and never lose sight of how spectacular you are.