Most Times I Am Doing My Best

Most Times I Am Doing My Best

Sometimes I hate. 

Sometimes I think terrible thoughts. 

Sometimes I get jealous. 

Sometimes I am not grateful for what I have. 

Sometimes I want more and I’m never satisfied. 

Sometimes I laugh and I really do not mean it. 

Sometimes I smile, but I’m really rolling my eyes. 

Sometimes I’m nice only because I have to be. 

Sometimes I stay positive only to fight someone’s negativity. 

Sometimes I care too much about what other people think. 

Sometimes I say things that are hurtful to others. 

Sometimes I’m angry with everyone because I have too many thoughts in my head. 

Sometimes I judge people. 

Sometimes I think people overreact without trying to understand. 

Sometimes I do nothing instead of doing something good. 

Sometimes I take the easy way out. 

Sometimes I really could care less. 

Sometimes I am not really happy to see others happy. 

Sometimes I wish I could run away. 

Sometimes I wish I could just give up. 

Sometimes it hurts to look back at these thoughts. 

Sometimes I agree with them to avoid conflict.

Society makes us believe that these sort of thoughts are unforgivable. If I had a choice, I would choose not to think about these things. I work on this on a daily basis, but I have learned that I work better when I challenge why these thoughts came into mind in the first place. At the end of the day, we are all only human and we cannot always control what runs past our mind. This is okay. I am here to say you are not alone. I can say that with a fact that this does not make you a terrible person. I have a list of why this is;

Most times I am not thinking about what could go wrong. 

Most times I am smiling and working to make someone else smile.

Most times I apologize for doing something hurtful.

Most times I will not repeat my hurtful words.

Most times I celebrate other’s success.

Most times I laugh enough to work on my anxiety.

Most times I say grace for the small things.

Most times I make the most of what I have.

Most times I am nice when I do not need to be.

Most times I will compliment a small detail.

Most times I stay positive to infect it in everyone’s day. 

Most times I do the right thing even when no one is looking. 

Most times I give everyone the benefit of the doubt. 

Most times I am sorry for the decisions I make that hurt others.

Most times I stay put and face my problems head-on. 

Most times I look back on my thoughts and smile. 

Most times I have no idea what I am doing, but I continue to do it. 

Most times I do good instead of doing nothing. 

Most times I love. 

The point is, most times I am doing the best I can do, and that is okay. 

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I Miss Our Old Conversations

I Miss Our Old Conversations

I miss our old conversations around 3 am
and the way we both stay awake for the next reply
I miss our movie marathons with popcorns and blankets
while giving spoilers to each other and chatting in the end
I miss our car trips featuring our favourite songs
that left us screaming their lyrics at the top of our lungs
I miss the way you’d gently squeeze my hand
every time you wanted to say “I love you” but couldn’t
I miss the way your lips touched my skin
left them marked, burning and glowing in the dark
I miss the way you said that you have missed me
but you never did and none of what I said was real

I miss what we never became
because you just couldn’t love me back in this game
I miss what you never said
since you were too busy talking to someone else
I miss what you never did
for your skin wanted some other girl’s against it
but most of all I miss the other me
who’d have possibly made you fall for her, head over heels

For The Girls Who Do Not Fear Wolves

For The Girls Who Do Not Fear Wolves

When Little Red Riding Hood
Defeats the wolf –
When the lamb becomes the lion –
And the prey becomes the huntress –
Everyone acts surprised

As if they did not see her coming
As if they did not place the salt on her wounds.
As if they did not cut her open, open her wide –
Expect her to swallow her defeat

They should’ve learned
A long time ago
Exactly who she was
You saw the scars
You saw the battle wounds
You knew she survived them

So tell me,
What kind of woman survives this kind of war?
Only a woman who is the war

Who brings the war with her,
Her bare naked feet filled with soot,
Scorched earth between her toes
They tried to pour ice into her lungs –
Tried to keep the truth buried, frozen –
Tried to keep her quiet, but they forgot –

She still breathes fire because she was made from it

You will ask her to bow and she will climb
You will ask her to crawl and she will rise
You will ask her to die and she will be reborn.
You will bury her and she will grow

You should’ve known that
This is not a woman
Who fears the wolf
The wolf fears her

This Is Why Innocence Is Underrated

This Is Why Innocence Is Underrated

There is beauty in innocence. Most people don’t see and appreciate this.

It’s when there is a mystery to someone. Not being able to see the obvious because there is always something more interesting to discover.

It’s when you know how to appreciate the plain black and white pictures and seeing the real meaning behind it.

It’s when you are in your most pure self.

It’s when someone is free from all of the scars and marks of the cruel world. Someone who is curious to see what lies in each risk.

It’s not about looking like a good girl or to look like someone who is weak that you could control. It’s about the look of having a clean slate and seeming like being in a fresh state.

It’s when there’s freedom from guilt or sin.

In this world wherein wildness is overrated, innocence is the one that will always capture your undying interest.

It is when you know what you want and how to get it.

It is when you know your limitations.

You can’t be innocent forever and it is something that you should treasure.

You see things for what they are.

Words

Words

Continue reading “Words”

We Are All Fucking Magic

We Are All Fucking Magic

you are made of flesh, bone and stars
just like the rest of us
what makes you think for one second
that your star shown brighter than another’s?
that your flesh is better, your bones stronger?
who taught you to look down on the other stars?
like their magic isn’t the same magic that lights up your own
what broken piece of your heart, of your spirit & mind
made you believe that your
hydrogen
helium
carbon
oxygen
was worth than the stars to your side?
as if it gave you warrant to treat them poorly
to treat them as if they are below you
we all consist of the same compounds
we don’t have the right to judge another
we are all star sisters and brothers
we are all fucking magic

 

You Cannot Be Fixed, For You Are Not Broken

You Cannot Be Fixed, For You Are Not Broken

You cannot be fixed
For you are not broken
Even when you feel like you are
For you are fine china
With your cracks filled with gold
That radiate brighter than the sun

You cannot be fixed
For you are not broken
Even when you feel overwhelmed
With the heaviness
And weight of the world
Know that you are allowed
To put it down
To let go
For your strength
Comes from softness
And you’ve proved this to yourself
Time and time again
As you always
Survive

You cannot be fixed
For you are not broken
Even when you’re scared
Shitless
For you are a masterpiece
A real life, fluid
Work of art
The way you shrink and expand
With fear
And courage

You cannot be fixed
For you are not broken
Even when you feel less than
For you are of service to the world
When you show up
As your authentic self
In a society
That whispers
You are too much
Too little
Too this
Too that
Buy this
Buy that
No
You are you
And that is your gift
To the world

You cannot be fixed

For you are not broken
Even when you feel lost
For you are a seeker
An explorer
Of courage and strength
Willing to let go
Of the woman
You were told you had to be
In order to discover and create
Who you truly are

You cannot be fixed
For you are not broken
Even when you are anxious as hell
For you show up
And do the work
To free yourself
Of unresolved issues of the past
And the illusion of safety
Built on superficiality
That disconnects us from others
Like the masks we were taught to wear

You cannot be fixed
For you are not broken
Even when you feel fucking crazy
And uncertain
And insecure
And ungrounded
You are okay
Even when you aren’t
For you don’t always have to be
You are human
After all
And yet
You are a miracle

You cannot be fixed
For you are not broken
Even though your heart has been
A time or two
It has always healed
You have always healed
And you always will
If you let yourself

You need to know this
Can you know this
Will you remember
That you cannot be fixed
For you are not broken
You can’t be
For you are fine china
With your cracks filled with gold
That radiate brighter than the sun

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